The Washington Gadfly
Political Animal?

Mr. Chimpstein goes to Hymietown Mr. Chimpstein goes to Hymietown
Louis E. Chimpstein, a hitherto unknown Simean-American was plucked from obscurity of journalist Evan Gahr's window sill as a last-mintute prop before he left his cage to debate Hyena Horowitz.

Mr. Gahr, who drove Jewish conservatives bonkers because when he called their "friend" a demented anti-Simeanite and depicted him as the most menacing figure for the Jewish people since King Kong gathered around the Empire State Building not far from the famed Temple Emanual on Fifth Avenue, at first made the big mistake of thinking they could be de-fanged through logic, facts and historical analogies.

That was all worthless. This was a political battle, and they worried that Mr. Gahr's remarks might mean they were no longer Pat Robertson's top banana. Ultimately Mr. Gahr had alerted the relevant worlds to a dirtty little secret: at their little Jewish-Christian ape house they quitely hawked their Hebrew National salami for Pat Robertson to clober any liberal who dares dispute that he's as American as baseball and banana cream pie.

Anyway, Mr. Gahr finally realized that Stanley Cruch was right to say these people had no integrity. So Chimpstein seemed the ideal debating tool, along with a small stuffed pig which got less attention subsequently but did help with one key line. "David is acting like a pig so I brougth this stuffed pig to tame him."

All these antics meant that the Jewish conservatives, particularly the Hudson crowd that guzzled at the federal trough, might feel less able to bring home the bacon that their sordid affairs with Pat Robertson and Karl Rove required.

So Chimpstein took the fall.

Yet, questions remain. Is Chimpstein yet another insult to Christian conseratives, particularly those enamored to Creationism?

Or is he really quite conservative, a knuckle-scraping reactionary who doesn't hestitage to wage gorilla warfare against the liberal wolf pack?

All creatures, great and small, are welcome to reply.

   Evan Gahr EvanGahr@aol.com, a former press critic for the late New York Post editorial page editor Eric Breindel, recently broke the story of a race discrimination lawsuit against the Washington Post. He has written for almost every major conservative publication.